One of my favorite events every year is the PA Conference for Women, held in Philadelphia. This year was the tenth anniversary, and I was fortunate to have the opportunity to attend. I value the day, because I always walk away from it feeling empowered, inspired and motivated to be and do more.
Right away I knew the conference would be great. It started with 7,000 women following Tory Johnson’s lead and stating in unison, “I make it happen!” What a powerful way to get all of us in the right mindset for the inspirational day ahead! It was an amazing moment.
Following the conference, I wanted to share with you some of my takeaways, and I hope that you can apply some of these lessons to your life to help create the life of your dreams.
Eight Themes that Resonated with Me:
We need to take care of ourselves first. Former secretary of state and presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton shared that in the US, American women today are on average living shorter lives than their mothers. I found this statistic to be shocking given all the advancements in knowledge and modern medicine. The everyday stress we put on ourselves is obviously taking a toll, and this is not good. Just as the airlines tell us to don our own oxygen masks before helping others with theirs, we need to take care of ourselves first before we can be prepared to help others.
Set boundaries and know what matters to you. For many years, like so many women out there, I was always giving to others and there was nothing left for me. A few years ago, when I moved to a new community, I decided to make a big shift. No one knew me in the new community, so I had a chance to reshape my role; I decided that I would be a great helper but I didn’t necessarily need to give so much or be quite a leader. I loved the advice at the conference from the ladies of “Queen of Your Own Life”, who gave us three questions to always ask ourselves when we are learning to set boundaries and make sure we are doing what we want to do. They are: (1) am I able; (2) am I willing; and (3) do I want to? Often we let others set our agendas and then we get resentful, instead of taking a moment to pause, ask the proper questions and then give the answer that we really want. You see, we really do have a lot more control over our lives than we think IF we set the proper boundaries. Remember…when we say yes to someone else we are saying no to something else…and often that is ourselves.
We need to support each other as women. This is such an important message, and for the most part I see it happening around me. However, I know there are the “mommy wars” that exist out there as women unnecessarily compete with one another, in schools, communities and workplaces. I am always shocked and a bit disappointed to hear stories of grown women being mean and manipulative to other women. I really think (and hope) that if we come together and support each other, the world will be a better place. Former secretary of state Madeleine Albright reminded us at the conference that “there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women,” a comment that resonated with the crowd. Imagine the power if we all worked together to help each other versus knocking one another down.
Your network matters. One way to support each other is to develop strong networks. Another theme at the PA Conference was that relationships matter and we need to nurture and work on them. I think this is true in our personal and professional lives and that good communication is key way to establish strong networks and leverage them for mutual benefit.
You control your destiny. Well, sort of. We can’t control all aspects of our life. Maybe you’re familiar with the Woody Allen quote, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” My “perfect” family is not what I planned, but I know it is what God planned. So we may not be able to control all things, but we can control so much more than we’d like to believe. And being proactive about this is important. I liked Glennon Melton of Momastery’s quote from the conference, “Don’t wait for a successful life. Plan a successful day.” Planning our life is difficult, but planning our days is doable. If we make forward progress every day, we can make great things happen for ourselves and our lives, even if it’s not exactly what we planned. And if you are unsure of your destiny, conference presenter Judge Glenda Hatchett recommends you ask yourself, “What is it I’ve always wanted to do, but have never done?” This is a powerful question, indeed.
Life is hard. I don’t think this is any great secret. I often find myself telling my kids that life is indeed hard, and sometimes we have to muscle through it or do the things we don’t want to do. As I face my various daily trials and tribulations, I try to find the silver lining and the lesson I am meant to learn. I think it is good to acknowledge that yes, life is indeed hard, but what makes all the difference is how we react when those hard times hit. Judge Glenda Hatchett shared something her aunt told her when she was questioning what she was doing and if she should keep going because it was hard. Her Aunt Frances told her, “Honey, if it were easy then everyone and their momma would do it.”
Failure just means that you are warming up to success. I think as women, we tend to take our failures personally. It can be debilitating, but I try to tell myself the more no’s I get the closer I am getting to a yes. Or, if something is not working out, that eventually it will as long as I keep with it and continue to learn, sharpen and grow. Definitely a mindset shift but I believe it makes a difference.
Women are powerful and uniquely capable, and one person can make a difference. In her keynote, Hillary Clinton declared, “Women can be agents of change, drivers of progress and makers of peace.” Nowhere is this clearer than in the example of Linda Cliatt-Wayman, who has turned around a distressed high school in Philadelphia where many had given up on the kids. She believes in order to make the world a better place we need to invest in the education of all children. She also shared that every afternoon on the loudspeaker she announces, “If no one has told you they loved you today, remember that I do.” There is a lot of power in feeling loved, validated and knowing you are important and anything is possible. The results at the high school are remarkable, and serve as an example of the power each of us to effect change.
As always, I find the PA Conference for Women to be a day full of incredible personal growth and connections, and it’s one of those days I prioritize in my schedule. Of course, this year as usual it was quite a juggle for me to make it happen; it was the day after Halloween with three of my four kids off from school. Naturally the first thing I was greeted with when I got home from my son was, “Mom, I have a belly ache”, but it was wonderful to have had the day for me and to come home feeling empowered, inspired and energized. These takeaways will help me with that throughout the year, and hopefully they’ll help you as well.
