Like many parents, I want my kids to be happy. I often ask my son, What does Mom want for you? and his reply is You want me to be happy. And he is so right. My number one goal is for my kids to be happy and comfortable in their own skin. If I can get them there, I will feel like I have done my job. It makes me most happy when I hear from others that my children are always smiling.
As a parent, of course, you also want more. You want the best for your kid in everything they do. We live in a culture of wanting more and being the best and exceedingly high standards for our kids. Consistent with that, I always thought that I wanted my children to be the class leader or team captain. But I have learned already that I can’t force my children to do things they do not want to do. Aside from them generally resenting me for pushing them to do something they don’t want to do, I think they ultimately might not be very happy when I make their choices for them. Don’t get me wrong, I push my kids when they need to be pushed; sometimes they need a nudge when they aren’t comfortable trying something new. But I can NOT, and will not, force them to do things when they have strong opinions and thoughtful cases. And my son Gavin, who is nine, can out debate me now. I’m in trouble.
I once asked Gavin if he has ever been a captain at recess or if he wanted to be one. His response was “No, and I don’t want to be Mom”. As an inquisitive and Type-A Mom, and thinking it would be natural for every kid to want to be captain, I asked him why not? He responded, “Because when you are a captain, someone always has to be picked last and their feelings get hurt and I don’t want to do that. Everyone is saying, ‘pick me, pick me’ and it is so hard”. How can I be disappointed in that?
Thank you, Gavin, for teaching your Mother an important lesson. I am with you, Son.
