There’s a famous quote by the musician Billy Preston, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with,” which inspired Stephen Stills to write the popular song, Love the One You’re With. We often use that expression around our house. It has many meanings, but I think it became popular in our house a few years ago with our family’s increasing usage of personal technology. I am certainly guilty of continually checking my iPhone, and often feel the need to get back to people right away both professionally and personally. I know there are many benefits to being responsive (and I believe it has helped me, especially in my business) but there are many drawbacks to that as well.
One night a few years ago I was sitting on the couch with my daughter, Molly, who asked me to snuggle with her while she watched a show. I was happy to snuggle with her, and gladly said yes. After about 10 minutes of a repeat episode of Hannah Montana (or something like that), I pulled out my phone and started reading my email. Molly looked at me and said, “Mom, love the one you’re with.” Touché! There was nothing I could say except, “You’re right, Molly, I’m sorry. My bad.” That had quite an impression me. I know it happens, and there are moments when rules need to be broken and things come up, but I think adding that level of consciousness and being willing to call each other out really helps.
I made a decision two years ago to stop bringing my phone upstairs at the end of the day. When I used to bring my phone to bed, it was always the last thing I checked before bed and the first thing in the am. No matter how much discipline I would like to think I had, I really didn’t and it just wasn’t good for me. I quickly learned to adapt to going up to bed without the phone and realized there was nothing I was missing that couldn’t wait a few hours.
Along those same lines, several years ago we decided we would not allow our kids to pull out devices or screens (that’s what I like to call them) at the dinner table or when we are out to eat. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when I really really want to break the rule, and I understand completely why others do, but for us it was the right decision. One night we were out to eat and noticed a family where no one was talking to each other because everyone had a device out. It made quite an impression on me. Call me crazy, but I knew then and there that I didn’t want that for my family.
I am certainly one for being connected, and I do see the huge benefit in it. But I also know that I often need to remind myself to be present and engaged with those that I am with at the moment. I’m definitely a work in progress, but I often find myself telling myself to remember to love the one I’m with.
Do you have any thoughts on this? It’s hard, right?
